Bringing Home the Bacon … (How I Learned To Overcome My Fears and Grocery Shop)

Are you one of those "hidden" people who secretly hate the grocery store? If so, you no longer need to feel ashamed. You are not alone. There is hope for all of us out there. Read on.

I don’t want to sound paranoid but a huge company is out to get me and it’s Harford County’s much anticipated employer……. . When I first heard they were moving here I thought, “I can stay away… after all it’s just another grocery store only bigger. I don’t need to go there and I don’t want to go there.” But they got me anyway. And I’m not sure how because I don’t like grocery stores. In fact I have a phobia about them…. or at least I used too. It seems like a ridiculous waste of time and energy to grocery shop. You spend a lot of time planning what to buy only to go to the store and buy items that you take home, cook, and eat. There’s no souvenir after this trip and the only keepsake you are left with is a few extra pounds. Then a week or a few days later, the process
starts all over again.

Could be that the reason I dislike grocery stores so much is I really do not enjoy cooking. I’m not sure when this dislike started but I’m guessing it was years ago while a student in the North Carolina public schools. One of the requirements for high school graduation was the successful completion of a course in home economics…. that is if you were a girl. For boys, industrial arts was required. Keep in mind that this was right before the women’s liberation movement which initially was not all that beneficial to me…. the burning of my bra resulted in a spark, not a bonfire…. I won’t elaborate. It never occurred to me to protest having to take home economics. After all, it seemed like an easy “A” and who wouldn’t want to eat brownies in between classes?  What I didn’t foresee was that my domestic skills were such that my friend’s mother would have to finish my sewing project so I could pass the course … I still live with the guilt of that.  (Our project was making an apron. It was supposedly something fairly easy to sew but looking back, I see it was also kind of symbolic of that era’s attitude on
women and girls. I absolutely respect homemaking …. Think it’s got to be one of
the hardest occupations and that it is not given the appreciation and recognition it deserves but even Martha Stewart ended up “serving time instead of cake” for a while. )   Of course had I been given the opportunity to take industrial arts instead,  it probably would have resulted in some  missing fingers instead of just burnt brownies  so I suppose things do work out for the best.

As a wife, my culinary mistakes have not yet resulted in trips to the ER although there have been some “unexpected “modifications made to standard recipes. (Here are a couple of tips…..don’t store powdered sugar in a canister near the flour.  It may look like flour, but it doesn’t thicken gravy. It does,however, change the flavor in a surprising way.  And about that precooked  ham  that doesn’t appear to be “getting hot”  after baking for an hour…you should probably take another look at it ...especially  if  the glaze you’ve prepared for it  keeps  sliding   off.   You my find it is wrapped in clear plastic that you didn’t notice and neglected to remove before placing it in your 325 degree oven.) . On a positive note, in my house, we can always tell when it’s time to change the smoke detector batteries.  They say cooking is an art and it is  very popular as evidenced by all those cable  cooking shows  but my “palate”  sure isn’t the same as a  painter’s  “palette” and  there’s a  very good reason why  the new fire station is being built right outside my neighborhood.

Anyway, I think I put off visiting Wegmans for so long because I feel stupid when I walk in most grocery stores.    There are just too many decisions to make and
too much you have to know when you go shopping.  I’m kind of a “ten or less” kind of person who likes to make a quick getaway so I’m not sure if any grocery store is for me.  Take for example the meat department…..There is so much to choose from.    Instead of stocking just “round steak” (which really isn’t round but kind of oblong), there’s “top round” and “bottom round”.  What the difference? And why is everything cut either oval or round?  Where are the square cuts of meat? It might be nice to have even triangular cuts. That might be one way to quickly distinguish between the different cuts of meat without having to keep reading labels. There’s Angus beef and prime beef and choice beef,  prepackaged beef and beef you get from the butcher. There’s London Broil, beef for stew (phew!)  And several types of ground beef….regular beef,ground chuck, ground round and ground sirloin.  What’s the difference between pork shoulder and pork butt? I know some anatomy but I don’t really want to think about what part of the animal a specific cut of meat came from.  I wind up visualizing the process and it becomes kind of personal even though I know these meats didn’t come from domesticated animals like “Fido” the dog.  Still,
since I’m not a vegetarian, which cut of meat do you buy for which recipe? And
I still can’t figure out the difference between baking, roasting, and braising.

Then there’s the fish and seafood department.  It brings back memories of the few times I went fishing and worried that taking the hook out of the fish’s mouth would hurt it.   It’s no surprise that I never got “hooked’ on this sport. The only kind of fishing I did in the future was playing the “Go Fish” card game  I do love eating fish and seafood but I don’t like to see them in display counters with their heads still attached. Do the stores do that for easy identification?   Are you supposed to pick out the fish you want by saying,   “I’ll take the one with the green eyes?”   Yuck! The very least they could do is close their eyes.

And about those display tanks…. Maybe it’s hypocritical but I don’t like to see my “dinner” going for a swim in the store before being transferred to the “hot tub” in a kitchen. I’m not convinced that   lobsters and crabs can’t feel pain.  They say if you can’t stand the heat to get out of the kitchen. Well at least I can get out but have you seen the “The Escape of the Crab” YouTube video showing a crab, jumping out of the pot desperately trying to flee?  Click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrXP9PElOwU. (Okay so it’s just a comedic reenactment it does make you wonder…. and laugh too).

I even get confused in the produce department. I think I know the difference between a squash and a zucchini but a gherkin sounds an awful lot like “gerbil” to me.   There are a zillion types of lettuce you can buy.....  Romaine and Iceberg, Butter and Oak Leaf, Watercress and Red Tip, and Radicchio. Which do you choose? Even the fruits intimidate me. (Am I the only one who thinks the talking fruit on the Fruit of the Loom underwear commercials are just a bit strange?)  I can’t tell when something is ripe.  I think you are supposed to either smell or squeeze an item to find out but I wonder…..   Will people think I’m some kind of pervert if I do that? And will I get escorted out of the store if I taste a grape before deciding whether or not to buy a bunch?

Then there’s those awful scales. I don’t like any type of scale. Of course it’s a lot better when it’s your produce and not you that is on the scale. But I get the shakes just watching “The Biggest Loser” on TV. It’s like watching a horror film … gotta cover my eyes. (I think that’s why they have those talking scales because no one wants to look to see what they weigh. I won’t let them tell me at the doctor’s office.) At least grocery scales don’t show the fat content. (Why anyone would want a scale that tells you your percentage of body fat is beyond me. I have a mirror and a pair of jeans that show me my body fat. I don’t need a scale to tell me. The last time I got on my scale, instead of talking to me, I could have sworn I heard it laugh.)

I even hate those plastic bags you put the produce in. I can't find the opening. The whole process brings back bitter memories of the fights I used to have with my plastic wrap….. I would get so frustrated that eventually I’d bring out the “big guns” (scissors) and mutilate the stuff… although not intentionally. In the end it didn’t really matter because somehow, the plastic wrap always won. (I can’t be sure but I think there was some kind of sibling rivalry going on between it and the aluminum foil …. The wrap probably felt underused and started a personal war with me)

Canned goods present their own set of problems. Take soup for instance. I don’t have a problem with different soup flavors… tomato, mushroom, potato etc… the list is as varied as people’s tastes. I do have trouble with the different types of the same flavor of soup. Here’s a sample of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup. It comes in the following labeled cans: Classic, Classic for Reduced Sodium Diets,
Classic 25% Less Sodium, Classic 98% Fat Free, Healthy Kids (that subdivides
into double noodle, mega noodle, chicken noodle, and chicken and stars), Heart
Healthy, Healthy Request, Healthy and Delicious, and Taste Sensations. And these are just the canned soups.  You can also buy soup to go, soup in powdered
form, cubes … broth and bullion. (I still don’t know the difference between the
last two). Sending someone without specific instructions to the grocery store to pick up some chicken noodle soup would be like me going to the hardware store and telling the salesperson, “I would like to buy a nail.”

Shopping carts can also present problems.  I always seem to get one that either makes a squeaking noise or moves like a car with a flat tire…slowly grinding along the floor.  (Even the kids driving those kiddie grocery carts laugh at me).  When I get older and start  using one of the mobility carts, I’m  sure, the battery is going to quit and I’ll be stuck somewhere  along the frozen food isle.  It could be hours before they find me.  I “shudder” to think of all the Klondike bars
I would have consumed by then. 

The checkout lines have a whole unique set of social problems. Should you approach someone who has exceeded the limit in the express line?  How many “over” should the person be allowed? (It’s kind of like the automobile speed limit dilemma.  With a 55 mile per hour speed limit, can you go 60 miles per hour? What about 65 miles per hour?  At what point are you driving irresponsibly or in danger of getting a ticket? My husband and I have a running disagreement on this so if there are any officers out there who are reading this, please let me know) There’s one other uncomfortable situation that can occur at the cashier location.  If I’m in a regular checkout line and it’s a long wait, I will pick a magazine and look through it to pass the time.  I always reach for the “Star” or “National Enquirer” … magazines I would never bring into the house except in a brown paper bag. That’s no problem unless I run into someone I know.  How do I explain reading these magazines instead of Newsweek, Today, or Time? I suppose one solution could be to pick up a Time magazine and insert the “other one” into it so no one would know what I was reading. (Right or wrong, people do “judge books by their cover” so I figure why not “cover up the book”?...... or in this case, the “magazine”.)

But what I hate most of all is coupons. Saving money is nice but searching for and cutting coupons is such a time consuming experience and often it forces a person to buy mass quantities of food that they either don’t want or have room for.  Besides, I did enough cutting in first grade and now do the cut paste routine on my computer. Stores should just lower the prices and save everyone a lot of time and trouble or make coupons more accessible and easier to figure out. I feel guilty arriving at the checkout line and the cashier asks, “Do you have any coupons?”  I always feel like have to explain why I don’t have any. I say, “Oh darn it! I must have left them at home” or “I’ve been on vacation and haven’t had time to look”.   (I imagine the other shoppers staring at me and wondering what kind of person in today’s economy today would shop without coupons.)  But who wants to buy five of one item in order to get another item free? I guess the Thanksgiving canned goods collection drive would benefit but I compare this situation to purchasing a dress that comes with a jacket .You don’t want the jacket but it comes as a set  and you can’t buy one without the other.   

I forget things. I always forget to buy stamps. I forget where I parked the car. Usually this happens on a day that’s raining or snowing and I have opted to hand carry my bags to my car.  (Do you know how many black Hondas there are out there?)  After shopping, walking all over the parking lot in search of your car doesn’t help your feet. So many cars have the same “beep” when you use the locater on your key.  I think your car key should have a unique sound or song you select similar to the selections for your cell phone ringtones.  I’d much rather hear Cee Lo Green’s “Forget You”… (the clean version) when I’m searching for my car than those annoying “beeps.”

So after much hesitation and little expectation, last Saturday my husband and I decided to experience Wegmans.     My daughter, having already shopped there, was our tour guide. I really was pleasantly surprised.  The clever décor doesn’t scream supermarket. It has the feel of an open air market in perhaps a small European town…. The “windows” lining the interior contribute to this feeling. I like to call this the “Disney affect” because it almost feels like it’s a part of a Disney
resort.  I don’t know if it was the atmosphere,   the lighting, or the friendly staff, but I (gasp) enjoyed shopping. The variety of foods is astounding.  They stock the name brands as well as Wegmans own brand which from what I have heard is excellent. It was easy to move around in the store and there were plenty of knowledgeable and friendly staff to help.  Since we arrived at the store around 10am and this was a Saturday morning, I was surprised how easy it was to find what I was looking for. (When we finally left the store around noon, it was busier but still very “user friendly”.)  Even the parking lot is numbered so you won’t forget where you put your car.  There are maps you can pick up when you enter or you can go to the Bel Air store’s website www.wegmans.com/belair  to see the store layout.   But even without a map (which we did not use) the
isles are clearly marked and wide…. None of those annoying displays to block the isles as there are in so many of the other stores. (Did I mention all those friendly, smiling people ready to help? Are we absolutely sure there’s no connection to Disney?) Even the store manager, Al, was very much visible and stopped to chat for a few minutes with me.

The only trouble you may run into is locating the people you came with so I would recommend keeping your cell phone on. When asked by an associate if she could help me find something, I told her there was no problem with the groceries but that my husband disappeared somewhere between the meat and the
produce sections. When I explained that I’d probably find him later in the bulk candy isle she gladly pointed the way. (He has a habit of turning  his
phone off “to save the battery”…. I personally think it’s to save listening to my calls.)  Other people were in similar situations. Occasionally, someone would call out, “Mom!” which resulted in half a dozen women turning around.

Anything you could possibly want you can find at this store … in addition to a huge selection of grocery items, there many choices if you want lunch or dinner and   
of sit down seating. You can choose from Chinese and Indian buffets, sushi, subs and pizza.  And the food we ate was excellent.  Some people think Wegmans is  too big and too crowded but I didn’t find that to be true on the day of my visit and that was on a Saturday in prime time.  I think that once you go there and get familiar with where things are, you can move around pretty easily. But if you really want an empty store to shop in, they are open from 6am until midnight seven days a week so you do have options. The checkout lines move quickly …I’ve waited a much longer time in line in some of the other grocery stores that are much smaller. There are “mobility carts” for those with physical limitations. The restrooms are clearly marked in the store.

Wegmans does more than just sell food, it also educates the customers. Regarding those different cuts of meats that confuse me, I finally found all the information I needed on what to buy and how to cook it on the   Wegmans website www.wegmans.com. (Keep in mind, the store staff is very knowledgeable as well.) There’s a lot of information on their website and if you click on “recipes”, it will lead to a section called “cooking techniques” and “ingredient guides” which explains everything for home economics dropouts such as me. You can also find recipes and information on foods for everyone including those with special dietary needs. There’s information about healthy options including cooking for diabetics and gluten- free cooking (I’m still not sure what that means …. if you cook “gluten-free”, will that keep you
from being a glutton? If you’re not sure either, read about it on their site).  You can find the weekly flyer, specials, and events listed as well as information about their Shoppers Club Member card. Even their coupons make sense.  The Wegman coupons are different from other coupons. They are easy to
figure out and eliminate the need to spend so much time “comparison shopping” every item. You don’t have to buy lots of items to enjoy savings. Here’s an example of one of next week’s coupons. “Save $1.00 on any frozen foods purchase of $5 or more.” One of the November coupons is “Free Wegmans Peanut Butter with any $10 minimum purchase and Shoppers Club Card”.  It’s that simple. Now that’s my kind of coupon. The coupons my household received came in the mail in a small booklet and were easily torn out to use. No scissors required.  There were coupons for each week for a three month period. Many of the products are Wegmans own brand but they are quality items.  Speaking of quality,Wegmans has special wrapping for some of their meat products called “club packed”. The meat looks great and is placed in a vacuum sealed package. “Stays fresh in refrigerator for up to two weeks. Snip off what you need; refrigerate or freeze the rest.”  These individually sealed pieces can be placed in the freezer and used as needed one piece at a time. They do not have to be removed from their packaging and rewrapped before being frozen.  If there’s something I dislike almost as much as grocery shopping, it’s coming home from shopping and having to immediately  freeze the meat (wrapping, labeling, etc) before it “goes bad.” This special packaging eliminates all the fuss and makes it so much easier
especially if you just want to cook one or two portions.  There are free samples of food you can taste in the store and the grocery prices seem to be competitive on most items and cheaper on many others.  They even have a couple of very visible red phones at the end of one or two isles should you need help in locating a product or just want to ask a question.   This saves having to walk to customer service.  What a great idea.  Did I also mention there’s a catering department if you don’t feel like cooking? The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach but the way to my heart is someone else standing in front of the stove.

In summary, I have to say, “Wegman’s…. you got me.” Although, I still don’t like the whole concept of grocery shopping, if you have to shop, this is a really nice store.  I have only one suggestion. As a perfect compliment to the store, take a clue from Disney and add some “informative entertaining”.  A train with tracks that goes around the store would give customers a chance to see everything before they start shopping. It would also be a nice break for people who want to take a rest.  Next, you could add an IMAX theatre with a 4D presentation on “The Story of Wegmans From Farm to Market” complete with smells (the emphasis would be on the smell of  cooked foods) …. a full sensory experience. As a final touch, how about an indoor roller coaster?  You could call it “The Top of the Food Chain” and have it twist and turn its way through the different food groups ending with one big sudden thrilling plunge. This would make the Wegmans experience a true “shop till you drop” event. (There’s so much to amuse a person at Wegmans, it might as well evolve into a unique kind of amusement park.)  So thank you Wegmans for
helping me to overcome my dislike of grocery stores.  Now if only something could be done about my sewing…. My only use for sewing needles has been to remove splinters….. Never gotten around to sewing anything and I really should try to sew an apron but why bother? I can probably buy that at Wegmans too.