Moving to Central America?!

We’ve finally reached our self-imposed deadline for determining what we’re doing. We started this journey over a year ago, after returning from our third family mission trip to Nicaragua. And then, in September, we started meeting twice a month with another family who was interested in joining us. The big decision? Whether to spend the entire 2012 – 2013 school year in Nicaragua.

In the beginning, it looked like a no-brainer. Stuff started falling into place pretty fast after that. But just as quickly, the bottom seemed to fall out. In fact, my husband and I soon faced some of the toughest challenges of our lives, most certainly the toughest since becoming parents. We were scared, angry, and sad. And sometimes we were all of those things within a single day… a single hour.

I couldn’t figure out why it was happening. I begged God for answers… and for someone to guide me through the challenges we faced. I wanted to talk with someone who had been there, done that, and lived to tell about it. I pleaded for someone like that to come along side me and walk me over this mountain.

I felt so alone.

Christmas was particularly tough. The previous Christmas we had hosted five families at Campo Alegria in Nicaragua. It was one of the highlights of my life, and what prompted us to pursue spending more time in Nicaragua. This Christmas was a stark contrast. All around me people were preparing for “the happiest time of the year.” But all I wanted to do was curse the joyous revelers and tear down the festive decorations.

Didn’t anyone get it? I didn’t feel like celebrating. Things were falling apart. It seemed like no one understood.

The new year came and went. And, as with most pain over time, it gradually started to recede. Then, a few weeks ago, I spent an evening with two good friends. Once again, I was compelled to complain how God hadn’t answered my prayer for a mentor. I even went so far as to talk about my increased desire to read scripture and pray because I often felt there was no one else to cry to about my situation.

My friend laughed and replied, “Don’t you see? That is exactly what He wanted!”

Wow… I guess I hadn’t thought about it that way.

I remember more than a decade ago, when I really wanted to be pregnant, I felt like I was surrounded by pregnant women (constantly reminding me I was most certainly not pregnant). It’s been the same way recently with feeling weak and vulnerable, and being reminded of it often. In January we went to a concert to see Matthew West and Mandisa. Both artists sang songs about being strong enough to stand up when you feel like falling down. (I figured maybe they are singing similar songs because there was a theme to the tour?)

But when I heard two more songs about being stronger, this time by Kelly Clarkson and Kanye West, I decided it was a conspiracy.

One particularly tough morning, I got into the car to drive one of the kids to school. She immediately turned to her favorite station, where we heard Kelly Clarkson belting out: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Ever feel like you’ve been so oblivious that God has to literally hit you over the head with what He’s trying to tell you?

Well, Kelly’s song was still playing when we arrived at the school. After my daughter jumped out, I switched to my favorite station and the car was instantly filled with Matthew West’s version of the same concept:

You must
You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough

When he got to the bridge: I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength, I cried “uncle” and conceded.

OK, I get it! All those months I was crabbing about my lack of a mentor, feeling so alone… He was right there walking through it with us. And six months later, I am stronger because of it. Our marriage is stronger because of it. And our entire family is stronger because of it.

And what seemed virtually impossible a few months ago is now not only possible, but probable. We said a few weeks ago that it’d take a miracle. Well, we got that miracle.

We plan to leave for Nicaragua around July 24th. The girls will start school there on August 6. Part of the miracle is this: they are both super excited to go, even considering the whole spending-a-year-in-a-third-world-country stuff, and the issue of having to wear school uniforms. My oldest actually told someone, “Who knows? Maybe we’ll love it so much we’ll stay!” (My jaw still drops every time I think of her saying that!).

We know it won’t be all roses and rainbows, but that’s OK. We’re in this together and can’t wait to see where it takes us.

In the meantime, anyone want to rent our house? Or buy our car? Or come visit us in Nicaragua? [More on all that soon...]

P.S. We’ll be raising money to purchase a vehicle in Nicaragua (for our use, as well as for mission trips coming from the U.S.). So put April 28 and May 19 on your calendars if you’re in our area. Details coming…

[Originally posted on 3/30/12 at wendywillard.com]